A Yappy Way of Knowledge, by Dog Juan

I believe ancient knowledge has been passed down from generation to generation of the canine ilk. It is why most dogs are happy. They can eat the same food every day of their lives and have pretty much the same routine day after day. Yet if you ask them if they want to go potty, or go upstairs or go downstairs, or have a treat or a bath or get their vaccinations, they are happy. They are ecstatically, stupidly happy, at least until they see the bath water running. But even after that’s over, they will cavort and romp, no matter how old they are. Dogs are happy.

No one really knows who Dog Juan really was, but he established the “Yappy Way of Knowledge.” According to legend Dog Juan gifted dogs with a daily dish of his top ten kibbles to chew on. These are not in any particular order, but they are guaranteed to make any dog’s life happy. These kibbles are: Love, Bark, Eat, Sleep, Poop, Scratch, Procreate, Check your P-mail, Roll in stinky stuff, Find your spot.

So, let’s talk about them checking their p-mail. What is the first thing a dog usually does when out an about? You got it, they smell garbage cans, trees, tires or whatever that smells great and gives them information. Then they pee their reply on top of it. So let’s say I take my Shih Tzu Luke, and my Shih Tzu/Pekinese Chewy to the off leash park down by the airport. Oh the joy on their faces to be there and immediately they start their p-mail rounds. What they learn could be something along these lines:

C: “Hey Luke! Guess who’s prego?”

L: “Who?”

C: “Lady Dane!”

L: “Woof!”

C: “And guess who the puppy daddy is?”

L: “Who?”

C: “That annoying little Chihuahua.”

L: “Wonder how that happened?” A little while later, Luke says to Chewy, “Guess who got fixed?”

C: “Who?”

L: “That annoying little Chihuahua!”

I have read some of the works by Carlos Castaneda, who studied under Don Juan D’Marcos, a Yaqui wise man. Now I am not saying there is any correlation between Don Juan and Dog Juan, but I prefer to believe that Don Juan had a dog that sat at his feet and learned from him like the devotee it was.

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